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I enjoyed being silent. It was fine, no drama, and good. For me. My daughter hurt because of it though. I abandoned her in both her for her father, and her pain. I left her alone, to fight one of the biggest emotional battles of her life. I left her to a broken person by herself. I made her hurt alone. I made her cry alone. I made her pray alone. How was she supposed to learn how to and be loved by him safely if I wasn't willing to teach her? My indifference meant she was on her own. She is too little to be on her own in an emotional battle like that. I watched Jakes Closet it was eye opening, and heart breaking, and I felt like the worst mother ever. I hid behind I "don't say anything bad " I didn't actively cause damage I just left her to fight all of her pain and emotions all on her own. When I changed my perspective and started being on HER side talking to her dad, and actively being nice, she made huge strides in counseling and went from having huge amounts of anger buried inside her (her counseling sessions were play therapy and she was always doing fighting and beating other up) to resolving her issues and feeling secure, happy, and "within normal parameters." The went from beating each other up, to having happy fun birthday party celebrations. In a matter of a few weeks and all it took was me saying nice things about her father every day, or sharing a GOOD memory about her dad, and engaging in a few conversations in front of her where I was nice, sweet, and kind and didn't use the "businesslike" tone. HIS behavior didn't really matter. Mine did. special needs need special attentionYou don't need to not in order to have an out if, in some extreme circumstances, you decide to separate. It's ed "divorce" and (unless you think one of you would get madly irrational with lawyers) is no more traumatic than separating after living together years and welding your lives together. You don't need to not in order to value your SO's happiness over the right to keep that person by your side forever. And mostly the government and large institutions be MORE intrusive, not less, if you don't. They give you a harder time about everything, including how much tax you have to pay, whether your health insurance can cover your partner, and who can legally pick the kid up after school. Truly, you sound irrationally stubborn about the whole thing. And it's not that I insist on marriage. I've famously been in a thirteen-year cross-country monogamous and loving LDR with no feeling that I need marriage. But then, I've already "been there, done that." dating and sex
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