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looking for the normal girl It's almost meaningless. Because when you're in the doldrums there's always a reason not to do it. What would I recommend? Since I'm so highly qualified? Reach out like you did here. But for real. A neighbor or a coworker or a friend or a family member. Pick up the phone or go for a walk to be around people. They'll make you feel better. Treat yourself to a movie or something. If you don't have any alcohol problems maybe go to a bar or something. Exercise. Go for a run or a hike or a bike ride or a swim. You don't seem to be beating yourself up, or blaming yourself, and that's good. Keep not doing that.
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