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so this was really interesting. i'm no stranger to the concept of bad patterning and i (perhaps obviously) come from a dysfunctional family. before the last two, the men i dated were wrong in a different way, depressed, needy, dependent. so this guy, and the guy just previous they were choices agains't type. a calculated move that i was hoping would take me in a better direction. i wasn't overwhelmingly attracted to either one initially, they were both friends of friends, things started off slowly (for me). although both of them seemed to be really into me fast. both of them instantly wanted to spend a lot of time with me, and do things that seemed a little premature for me. point being, i'm sure that (for me) that whole seeing a person from across the room and feeling that instant 'zing' is a sign of bad chemistry, best avoided. but somehow, these non-zings, ended up being very similar, and worse, in a way. the controlling, my way or highway, game-y type was never in my rotation before the last few years. so i must be putting out a new vibe or missing some real clues. i need to sit down and think carefully back over every first moment where i think "hmmmm, this is odd" with the last guy. they both ended up being so similar, it's uncanny. guy 1 was totally unavailable, never wanted to talk about emotions or fix problems. that's a no brainer, i should have ran from that sooner. But with guy 2, i spent a lot of time getting to know him before letting it get physical. months. and during this time he went on and on about how into communication he was, talking things out, in retrospect, maybe he was just excellent at telling me what i obviously needed to hear. to make matters more complicated, guy 2 knows guy 1 socially, so he even had his own knowledge of guy 1 to maybe use in his favor..if i want to get that cynical. i think this brings me to a new question and that is this things were great at first. super great rapport, it was like we were the best of friends. then one day, some small conflict happened and he just changed. he started picking fights, making petty comments, refusing to communicate or communicating non-constructively (like, i'd point something out and he'd counter with something i did a week ago- smoke and mirrors). this happened with guy 1 as well we suddenly fell into this mode where (- next post) bored seeking companionshipThis Viet Vet s it a crock> That tired old maxim that "we weren't allowed to win" the. Every GI I ever knew wanted to get back to the world alive and didn't give a rat's ass about Vietnam nor it's people nor problems. None of us would willingly have chosen to give our lives for that place. Yet there were 80 year old grandmas in pajamas who were among the most vicious and patriotic Vietnamese around, and who DID give their lives for their country. Foreign invaders just can't win under those conditions. You can obliterate the country and kill off every last citizen, and you can that a "victory", but any reasonable person would then question what the fuck you just won. As as we're laboring under these erroneous premises, we're not likely to learn the lessons which need to be learned from that historic period, nor are we likely to be able to work through and resolve those personal ambivalences which of us still as a result of our service there. dating for seniors
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