Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array real horny girl sbf iso sub manI'm single not because I don't pray for love. Hola, well about myself I'm 21 I attend college and work I love to work out I am a morning person I live outside of city limits. I'm just myself I take one day at a time. I know that god is always by my side well this is it for now just for my preference I like tall men and men that are in shape I am not looking for a one night stand or fwb. just so you know I am 5'8 and but I wear my boots also please know how to keep a conversation and don't give me your number on the first message I will not and send a least but all don't be older than 26 , be taller than 6 ft going through a tough time 420 friendly divorced dating
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so much for guess i've been wrong but it's all right cuz i'm moving on i've got my car all packed with cassette tapes and sweaters and loose change and cheap cigarettes i'm gonna drive through the hills with my hand out the window and sing 'til i run out of words i'm gonna stop at every truck stop make small talk with waiters and truck driving men i'm gonna fall asleep in the back seat with no one around but me and my friends it's gonna be so grand it's gonna be just like my wedding day i've had enough of it feels good to give up so good to be good to myself i'm gonna get on the highway with no destination and plenty of vision in mind and i'm gonna drive to the ocean go skinny dipping blow kisses to and mars i'm gonna stop at every bar and flirt with the cowboys in front their girlfriends it's gonna be so grand it's gonna be just like my wedding day so much for i guess i've been wrong but it's all right cuz i'm moving on i'm gonna drive over hills over mountains and canyons and boys that keep bringin me down i'm gonna drive under skyline and drink good wine in vineyards and get asked to dance i'm gonna be carefree and let nothing pass me by never ever again it's gonna be so grand it's gonna be so grand it's gonna be just like my wedding day casual fun bbw
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