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The only fault you have in this situation is not getting away fromm it sooner. You did not "cause" him to become violent and abusive. That was a decison that HE made, and he made it because he is a bully and felt he could get away with it. He's used up all his "Get Out of Jail Free" cards, in my book. I know it seems like a lot right now but consider this: Imagine what your life would be like without him right now! Peaceful. Calm. Your would not be witnessing violent rages and grow up thinking that this is how a loving treats his wife. He might have mental problems but you aren't a doctor, and he is making no moves towards getting well. What is your living situation? Renting? Own a home? If you rent, it's relatively easy you walk away. You need a plan. 1. Get the hell out, and do it with a plan. Find another place to live check with your church, for example, and if there is anyone willing to rent inexpensive housing to help out women until they get on their feet. My next door neighbor has been taking in tenants in a nice basement apartment with a separate entrance for several years, and they do it to help people who need a to re-group. 2. Once you find a new place to live, start moving things out that you fear would be destroyed. Do NOT get up on "things" things are nice, but they don't heal your face when you've gotten a black eye and a busted lip. Pack up stuff gradually scrapbooks, books, jewelry, knick-knacks and store them with a friend or at your work, if possible. 3. If you husband strikes you at any time while you are in this process, do not hesitate and have his butt arrested for and battery. 4. Talk to a family law attorney, and explain that you are seeking a divorce based on physical and mental cruelty. They have other suggestions, depending on whether or not you own or rent your home, restraining orders, etc. 5. Move. 6. Serve your husband with separation papers. 7. Declare bankruptcy. You're overwhelmed and no way to pay it off. This is what bankruptcy was designed for. Get some counseling, get a grip on spending and saving, get a buget, and get youself back on track with a fresh start. seeking a regular hook up in 46126Everyone has a coming out process. well everyone here has their own story. Lots of women come out as queer/bi/- after having dated men. Thing is, it's your own process, and there's not a lot we can do to support you online. You need to seek that support in your own community via community centers, counselling, or just volunteering for organizations where you'll meet other queer people. My two cents would be to suggest you avoid "dating" anyone right now at all. Just spend a year or so getting involved in the queer community and hanging out with other bi / queer women. By doing that, you'll know whether it feels right or not, and the dating take care of itself later on. Please, take the pressure off of yourself and the people around you. Hop on and order a bunch of lesbian books. You can read about other's coming out stories, their sexual escapades etc. fat woman
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