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So, I met a girl from CE last weekend. She and I e-mailed back and forth before settling on a date and time. I met her in a local pub and we spent more than an hour just talking discussing BDSM, why she wanted this experience, what she would get out of it and what I expected to get from our time together. I found a few things very interesting about our little tryst. First, it was her birthday, and she explained that she "tries something new and adventurous" on her birthday. "You know, like skydiving, hiking, BDSM " Interesting. BDSM? Just because you're curious? Heh. I'll bite. So, scene aside, I made several observations of our evening. First, we did the bulk of our negotiations at the bar. I was wearing my kilt, by the way. So, we're there, chatting, me being my suave self and giving her all kinds of reassurances and the "knotty view of kinky sex", and her asking very good question wondering why, wanting to know how, asking about safety, all of that. When we got up and left, I realized that not only had I had a raging hard on while we were discussing, but there was actually a trail of pre-cum running down my leg. Observation? 90% of sexuality is mental. Second, and I only found this out about way into our scene, she had brothers. "Survival meant I didn't show a response, Sir." I figured out how to get her to jump. She had a "sweet spot" on her ass, so we got the lack of response thing out of the way quickly after that. Third was how quickly she transitioned into submissive mode. I had expected, as it was her first time, that she might be a bit more difficult to work with after all, she'd never been tied up and punished before. Not only did she slip right in to subbie mode, but she worked it, even giggling when I did as I got her to jump and show some reaction. My conclusion? Yes, CE can work, and it is an interesting study in human interaction and sexuality when it does (at least for me). Oh, and yes, I tied her up, and fucked her. ;-) discreet encounters 79373You should never someone because you feel "obligated" to them. Yes, it's true that she's "invested" 8 years into you, but she choose to stay with you, right? I never believe in women saying, oh, he wasted my time. You wasted your time. You choose to stay. Relationships are always 2 way streets. I'm old enough to have seen of my friends and collegues and my observation is this: in order to have a happy and successful (they actually stay together) marriage, BOTH people need to be dying to be married. In other words, both people just can't wait and are enthusiastic about it. If one person is hedging there's stuff I haven't done, this is too early for me, I want to date other people, I'm not sure I want this it not work. If one person is marrying because someone got pregnant, or feels guilty, or feels pressured by family to do, it just doesn't work in the run. You only delay the painful breakup for a few years more. You need to do a careful evaluation, tell her how you feel, and maybe break up. DO realize, however, that you run the risk of never finding another GF who is like this woman., smart, attractive, compatible. Only you can decide whether that risk is worth taking for the freedom of dating. discreet affairs
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