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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. sex partner i in Gamenhosyou as a parent must have seen signs of how he has been acting from day one. From what I have read it depends on the and how it was handled by the parents -but yes it can be from the divorce. try to hide the hurt from the parents, in their way they are trying to protect the parent(s). Some even believe they were the cause of the divorce. Also you say the father has remarried with 3. When he is there he not feel that he belongs -the 3 belong there but he is only a visitor without any real connection -in his mind. It does not matter what you say to him it has to come from actions when he is there -so much time has elapsed. The father be -my goodness with 3 new not have the time to spend with his/your -! He not even realize exactly what it is, only that there is something missing. Not much detail provided but from my own reading on the subject, it does have a profound effect on their minds. Remember from their point of view all that they knew of the world came from the both of you -that world in a blink of an eye was turned upside down. That is why of divorce turn away from religion. If the whole world- "their parents" -that they trusted and believed in is no longer true how can they have in a God they can not. Interviews on of divorce who now have themselves -who from all outward appearances are success stories have spoken of feelings buried deep in them that stem from their parents' divorce. So the answer to your short question is -it is possible! The only question is to what degree they are affected. Some studies have show that from unhappy marriages faired better than most of divorce. EXCEPT those that were involved in physical situation. don't get me wrong, I don't know you and I make no judgements I am responding to your post for the sake of your. No guilt or blame should be taken or given, just move forward the best you can and keep giving him he needs to be reminded of that fact in actions and words. But every situation is different and there be other factors at work. Good luck I feel for you -I have ones also -it worries me but that is good since it keeps me on the high road in all my dealing with all those involved. dating forum
horny blondes from Lawrence Bare with me for a sec cuz I'm just thinking this out but I think people also forget that marriage is very different these days than it used to be. Gender rolls in western society were far more rigid. Men were expected to support their wives and financially and wives were expected to support their husband and emotionally/domestiy. Men were groomed to be the "men of the house" and women were groomed to be "good wives and mothers." I think a lot of the problems with marriage today stem from a blurring of those rolls and people having to define their marriages for themselves with a LOT more gray area. It's WONDERFUL but also very confusing. Particularly since most people are unaware of just how much the feminist movement has changed our society as a whole. It's kind of nice to think that men of my generation actually think that women are their equals. It's still happening though and things are still be ironed out. Both of your examples prove my point. "Men need to help more" -> Indicative that the male gender roll still hasn't quite solidified to be "obvious" that men need to also do things traditionally thought of as a wife's roll. The need to keep dating their spouse, I think, is fallout from the fact that women are now able to walk away from marriage without being social pariahs. They have a lot more choices (choices traditionally reserved to men) and though it's a touchy subject it's not nearly as acceptable for husbands to rape their wives. The "not enough sex" issue and cheating has been a millenia arguement so not so new. Men have been keeping mistresses for as as there were "monogamous" relationships. What I think is interesting is that men are less able to go outside of their relationships without their wives/gf's leaving them and SO it also leaves a certain amount of responsibility on the part of the women to try and keep their menfolk happy. Again fallout from the blurring of gender rolls. Where women were previously more dependent and unable to leave in a lot of situations or chose to turn a blind eye, we more and more this cheating is unacceptable so now what? situation. women seek sex Murray
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