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maybe you neeed to get in touch a bit more and share with us your decision making process. I am selfish is sort of defensive . give us more details of why you are afraid? how much your wife wants the? or the kid? are you willing to take care of this kid financially if you two divoce down the road. can you just stay for the adoption process and make a deal with the wife that you do not want to be tangled afterwards and she can keep the kid and you two divorce? I know this is wrong but you are helping the kid and her to have a life together and you are off the hook and keep your selfishness. Why are you afraid? can your wife have a biological kid? if yes, let her go! This is about just adoption decision it is also about your marriage. what is the "mix" you spoke of? looking for some part time love> If I am understanding this all, you have worn out your welcome with your ex- GF in NYC is this the same one you gave up your job to be with, or someone? The ex I'm living with is different from the woman I gave up my job for. My welcome with the woman I live with is very much still in effect as I do most of the housecleaning, shopping, etc, and she likes having me around. There is no sexual tension, she is like my sister at this point. > Are you so totally at the end of your resources that mom and dad are basiy all that's left, or is there some possibility you could hook up with another friend in another city or town and try to find work and rent a furnished room? I am currently renting a room with my ex, I pay half the rent. I sleep on a couch that converts into a twin-sized bed. I have my own room but it doesn't have a wall, just a curtain (it opens onto the kitchen), so I don't have a lot of privacy. > When I remarked that an attitude change is needed, I very specifiy mean excusing yourself based on your perception that so in your generation are just like you. I'm not excusing myself, my post said: "I'm not excusing it, just saying that it's become epidemic." At one point I made 6 figures. The internet bubble burst and I thought I should still live in a studio apt by myself, that was a mistake. At one point I was setting up retirement accounts, putting money in the bank. Then things changed. I didn't change, I work just as hard, but I no longer can meet my basic expenses. And I was too proud and reluctant to give up the image of myself as "making it" to downsize sooner. I got into debt once before to the tune of $ and got myself out of it by getting a high-paying job. Now I can't seem to find a high-paying job. > Just forgive yourself for making some decisions that didn't work and move on. Literally. I don't mean to be harsh, just blunt. I am not offending. The point is to turn around, and that means doing things very differently. Identify what has not worked, and scratch it off your options list. That's fine, no offense taken, I appreciate your input. horny milf
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